somewhere in detroit

Some things just aren't as exciting as they used to be.
And then you have to re-evaluate decisions you've made about the future life you want. Is that really the way it's "supposed" to be? After all these years of planning...

I like splurging on little things.
For instance:

expensive soaps/bubble baths at work
-or-
fancy pants stationery/stamps/paper from Paper Source
-or-
slippers/pajama pants/underwear

Things that you can find for a decent/inexpensive price I just LOVE getting when they are FANCY and PRICEY. It almost makes me feel like I'm giving myself a little treat.

After my shift tonight, I bought some things in our store for family members, and splurged on a shiny, gold, glittery bubble bar and a sea salt gorgeous blue colored bath bomb. Why? They smelled good and we call that bath cocktail (aka combination) "the drunken mermaid" and I HAD to try it.

But, why spend the money I'm barely making on things I don't necessarily need? The world may never know.

And, why do I over invest myself in people who show me nothing in return?
Or, better yet, overshare with people who are really important to me about topics that are sensitive and may alter what they think about me?

Yes, you're probably right. It's time for me to go to sleep.

tell me something pretty

New life goal:

To see the Radio City Rockettes' Christmas Spectacular in NYC.

This would simultaneously allow me to fulfill another life goal:

Be in NYC during the Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year's Eve time. Not necessarily on those days (because it would be crazy) but the huge tree needs to be up at Rockefeller Center, and I need to be there.

I finally made my Christmas playlist for my iPod. Listening to "The Nutcracker" is always so nostalgic. If only I didn't think ballets were so boring. Maybe after dancing this past semester my appreciation will be strengthened and if/when I ever see "The Nutcracker" again I can just love it and feel like a little kid. Or just be pissed at myself for quitting dance and letting my first big life goal of being Clara go completely out the window. And only amounting to be a mouse three years in a row. Ha.

Okay. Back to job searching.

Any suggestions?

baby, it's cold outside

"Tori, I promise we can make it to your school. It's not that cold out. When I was at K-State I would walk further to school and it was way colder and sometimes it would be SNOWING. I made it, and you can, too."

Yep. I had my first "Grandma" moment this morning.
I'm getting old.

how does it feel

I never want to be the mother of teenage daughters. Maybe one, definitely not two or more. Unless, of course, I have multiple daughters, then I would rather go through the HORRIBLE TERRIBLE teen years with them than have them be kidnapped or killed or something. Anything else? Nope. Teenage girls are crazy. I feel so sorry for my mother and every teacher in the world. No explanation for their crazy tendencies.

I'm "babysitting" two of my cousins who are teens this weekend. And...wow. One is the bad one. And usually these two are my favorites to just hang out with, but holy crap! Try and get her to clean up a mess and it is like you are speaking in a foreign language.

Maybe all children are like this. In that case, maybe my life dream of being a stay at home mom just ended.

Instead, I'll own my own store of LUSH so I can wear my sparkle tights every day and only have to deal with the children for the .5 seconds they are in my store.

Life update: the job search has restarted in full force. Since my seasonal position at LUSH ends on New Year's Eve, I have to start looking...again. This cycle never seems to end. Whoo.

My coffee tastes awful today.
Ick. Seriously.

(8 days. CRAZY. Crazy good, that is.)

his name was rico

This week has ROCKED.

Work has been AWESOME. It makes me so happy. If I'm having a bad day and go to work, I leave revitalized. When 2010 comes, I'm hoping they'll offer to hire me full time. Crossing my fingers. Oh. And they sent a box of 24 products FREE to my HOUSE. Bathtime is necessary these days, just so I can use the new stuff.

Lots of time with friends. Kylie's wedding - the ultimate in awesome wedding. So many things I want to steal idea-wise from her. Wow.

Lots of family time. Games, silliness, and my Uncle spinning me so much I almost vomited.

Lots of boyfriend time - a rarity. I'll spare you the cheesy details, but he's the greatest.

And now, the next couple weeks are pretty low-key and boring. I'll have to get my next Real Simple issue this week (!!) and start making our Christmas cards. Also, I will hopefully chisel out some time to write.

Lately, I've had a huge itch to get out and have my own apartment. Like...ASAP. I need a real job first, though. Or at least something that isn't seasonal. Goal: move out by the end of May. That way I was only a loser that lived with her Mom when she graduated for a year. It's been fun, Mom, but I need to grow up.

I was kind of happy it got colder today. I feel as if the Christmas music can REALLY happen, now that I need a jacket again.

sit down. stand up.

Riddle me this: Why does our central vac system smell like weed? I'm not joking.

This weekend my cousin got hitched. Crazy and all kinds of wonderful. Love my Steve(n) Lynn. And, of course, my new cousin Amber Dawn!

Great news: My car isn't totalled! Not that you all even knew that it was a possibility, but my car got backed into and we were all holding our breath. Because, you know, a part time mall job doesn't really let you buy a new car anytime soon. One less worry.

This week = lots of cleaning, baking, family, work, and a (another) wedding.

It's about time to start my craft project of creating our annual family Holiday Cards. Should be interesting.

Right now, all I want to do is take a nap. But the insomniac inside me begs me not to.

...is it Wednesday yet?

out there, somwhere

I'm sorry, but are they trying to steal all my money?

This is a perfect ploy for stay at home moms and unemployed college graduates to get psyched about crafting and spend all their money...which they don't even really have much of.

A BLOG about AMAZING CRAFTS?!
Oh. My. Lanta.

Also, the song of the day (becauase apparently I'm doing that today):

"Sky" by Joshua Radin, featuring Ingrid Michaelson

I'm ob-freaking-sessed. I had heard it before, but bought it on iTunes today. In love with it times a million.

...and don't think that just because I've blogged two days in a row that means that I have no life. Well, maybe a little.

that's how i feel about you

Excuse me.

Was this made for me or what?!

Not like I need more Cinderella things that are too precious to use, but what a GREAT idea.

Already, twitter has provided me with happiness. Like finding those cards, learning about roads not to take in KC due to traffic/accidents, getting discounts on things, and discovering things about my friends.

I could get used to it.

In other news: another weekend in KC. Third or fourth since August? You can tell I like to stay in one place...ha.

P.S. Don't lose weight because then you have to buy new jeans and when you go to the mall you discover you are in between sizes everywhere and you're either going to sag like a boy or have a muffin top and look skanky.
The choice is yours.

i've already tasted

Earlier, I had an emo post. Apologies if you read it.

Let me update.

I just found the PERFECT COAT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Except...it doesn't have a hood. Is it worth it? Everything is awesome and everything I ever wanted...sans hood.

It's on sale. I want it. Along with everything else in the store.

It made my day. My mom and sister made fun of me the rest of the night. It's basically the coat from the end of Love Actually that I've been in love with since the first time I saw the movie. Oh, goodness. I'm so excited.

But...the hood factor. I need to think on it. And fast, since it's 30% off. They also have another fun hooded coat that is shorter without belt thing that's super fun and it's 30% off. OH HEAVENS.

I'd show you the picture online, but it is way cuter in person. The picture doesn't do it justice at all.

El fin.

paint a portrait of my mystery

I need to stop working places where I want to buy everything.
Texas Roadhouse was my fave restaurant.
AE was my fave store.
LUSH...I want to buy everything for everyone. New obsession.

Work is great. We have little quizzes to do every night, so I pretend like I am in school. And it's fun stuff to learn.

I love getting packages in the mail.
Or just any mail.
I got to open the door in my Santa Monkey Pants today to the mail man. He probably thinks I never leave the house.

Good news: I got my second shot in a series of three today. And I did NOT faint or anything. 'Twas grand.

My need for a new phone increases each day.

My face smells like chocolate...because I just did a LUSH face mask and it's made with cocoa powder. And I got it FREE because employees get the stuff that's about to expire. Sweet deal.

OhmygoshIwishitweretwentysixhoursfromnowalready.

Have such a lovely day and remember: whatever you're stressed about now, won't probably be relevant a year from now.

P.S. Another job interview tomorrow? Okay.

Hap-happiest Season

My newest obsession is string cheese. I have never liked it until the last couple of years. The last two months I have been in love with it. Anytime I want a snack, it's string cheese. The other day I ate three. It's just...so good. Plus, cheese is basically my favorite food, so there's always that, but really? I just love it.

Oh, and I decided to get myself a "Holy crap you actually got a job and I am so proud of you!" present. It's a new bra. And it's adorable.

I'm excited for the winter months to approach because that means scarves all the time, spiked hot chocolate, and the Plaza lights. I love the Plaza in the wintertime. It may be freezing and miserable while you're there, but you get to see all the cute children bundled up, the sickeningly cute couples holding hands and being all in love, and the precious oldies dressed to the nines.

Oh, and CHRISTMAS MUSIC.

I have a confession for Megan: I am tempted to start listening to it before Thanksgiving. For everyone else: this is a HUGE deal. I'm a stickler for NO Christmas music until after we have turkey and pie. For some reason, I'm just stoked about the holidays this year. Even though I'll be working retail and stressed out of my mind.

I'm about to buy these sparkley tights from Aerie just so I can wear them to work and be festive.

"It's the most wonderful time of the year."
Oh, yes it is. It definitely will be.

...and just because I always have to inform you about this: it's almost November, which means Halloween tomorrow, my sister's birthday next week, another month (11), Steve's wedding, Thanksgiving, then...almost time to watch ELF.

Life is good.

something to sing about

This holiday season, the part of LUSH seasonal employee will be played by Laura.

PTL
(it truly is all in His timing)

i'll never do you no harm

Afternoon snack today: brownies, chunky peanut butter on spoon, red bull

Reason #347 to love my grandma: She precut the brownies she sent me home with. They are saran wrapped AND foil wrapped

Do you ever wonder why your bff shouldn't live over 800 miles away from you and in a different time zone? Well... at least 8 days of phone tag - every time you call, even on her birthday. Guaranteed.

Still holding my breath for life decisions this week. Good times.

BEST THING EVER: Paper Source. Oh my FREAKING gosh. I want to curse about how much I love this store and how it's changed my life. I mean...REALLY?! How much cuter do things get? How much do I want to make the children in my life these things ?!

But in all seriousness...I think I'm going to make our Christmas cards this year. And get stamps. And ink. And freaking go to town and make all these precious stamped card things that look like they're straight out of a catalog. OMG - I'm speaking in internet lingo I'm so excited. (!!)

I know. I'm getting ahead of myself, probably won't actually end up doing it. But, reality check: I decorated the house for Halloween and made an apple pie. ANYthing is possible now.

...right?

And I want all of the store for Christmas. Especially the calendars and planners and cute things. Like those OWLS...guys...WHAT am I turning into? My sister is starting to call me Martha.

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT TO PANDORA: Just because my station is Queen it doesn't mean I want that poser of a musical to play on my station...it's not REALLY Queen, so stop it.


Phew. Sugar. Can you tell?

**EDIT
Frustrating: Trying to go back to old Xanga and OpenDiary things I had, only to find out that I protected the privacy so hardcore that I can't even find it and in order to get my passwords I have to get into an email account I deleted a long time ago. Anyone know how to hack into them? Ha.

they chart our way back home

excited: I WILL be employed by the end of next week.

annoyed: I might have choose between two jobs.

happy: Ten months

stoked: Trip to manhattan this weekend (94% sure it's happening!).

scared: My Grandma has been in the hospital since Friday and they still don't know what's wrong with her.

worried: I'm taking a two day shift at the hospital with Grandma, sleeping there and everything. I hope I don't have to be faced with scary decisions or her dying.

glad: My famiy lives near each other and we are all close to one another.

some dance to forget

This is why I love youtube. Sharing wonderful moments of the world (as cheesy as it may seem).

My new Target purchase and probably new obsession. Subscription for Christmas? I hope so.

Just look at the guy starring in this show. And the girl starring in this one. Tell me how you could not want to travel to NYC to see them.

Yesterday, I made an awesome dessert and felt so proud!

Today I hope to do a lot of this and drink some of this and watch a lot of these.

Ha. Sometimes when I'm cleaning or making food or something I talk to myself or sing. It's only when I realize someone else is home that I get extremely self-concious. And I'm really glad I didn't just walk around in my underwear today. Yikes.

jaws was never my scene

Five great things about life:

1. Cleaning the house with a KILLER sound system blasting Queen.
2. Newly found love of baking and cooking.
3. Getting new* jeans.
4. Hoodie weather.
5. US-69 South ramp is OPEN! (SAY WHAT?! Is the construction over?!)

*By new jeans I mean that I went back to Topeka this weekend and shopped my dresser of old jeans from high school. And post-sickness Laura fits into them for the first time since college began. Booyah. A new pair of courderoys and two regular jeans.

normal people do it, too

Today (if we are being technical) is the last day of September.
One month ago was my last interview.
Ladies and gentlemen, I have officially downgraded to: applying at the mall.
It's all or nothing.

However, I have come to you this eve to bring you this:

A Lullaby, by my niece Maggie (age 3)

Rock a bye, goodnight
Sleep my Aunt Laura
Sleep a dream
Rock a night
Go to sleep, my little Aunt Laura
Close your eyes
Have good dreams
Rock a bye
Aunt Laura
Go to sleep, close your eyes.

We played a game on the hammock at the Keck's on Sunday. I was the baby, she was the Mom. She rocked the hammock and sang me songs. It was PRECIOUS. (Really, though, as she was singing I was like: I have to remember some of this so I can share it with people! I was really excited...)

Also, after all these years of living, I still cannot get a haircut (even in some cases just a trim) without feeling sad. I'm sorry, you chunks of hair on my basement floor; you were in too many split ends to make anything work. I hope you understand.

we're so pleased to be with you

Tonight I went to my Aunt's house and watched the Emmy's with her and my cousins.

It's a strange place to be in life, when you realize all your dreams have been to dress up pretty, have a man in a tux by your side, and take home a statue. A shiny statue to prove to the world that you have a talent that cannot be measured, but experienced. And with that talent you have touched a few lives - for better or for worse - and you are completely content earning a living doing something you love. Whether that is performance, writing, creating, directing, or anything else. It's there, it's yours, and you're happy.

How the HELL am I going to get there? And what could possibly make me as happy as that right now...here?

In other news, today was the first day I took a step outside of my house in six days. (AUTHOR'S NOTE: I was really sick all of those days. Possibly H1N1, maybe not. Still don't really have a voice; still have a cute hacking cough.)

It. was. awesome. Fresh air = NOT overrated.

Oh, and for the record: kitties make everything better.

but, here i am

I have started to bite my nails again. This needs to stop.

Today I have had six Tylenol, five Gatorade bottles, leftovers from Famous Dave's, a grilled cheese sandwich, cinnamon Toaster Strudel, and used about ten tissues. Oh, and now have beautiful flowers in my room. I wish I could smell them.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a little better. The good thing about today is that I live with my Mom (who takes great care of me when I'm in this sickly state) and I still don't have a job. So...that's great.

Most of the plans I have had for my life have been ruined by things; then I'm sad things aren't going the way I wanted them to. And that is why I'm convinced that a certain aspect of my life will continue the way it is and it will be the first ruined plan that I'll be happy with it being ruined. And that would be weird. But kind of wonderful.

Today I watched a movie called "Laura." It was pretty good. It was made in 1944. I think someday I want the poster to hang in my home.

In other news...hilarious.

take you away

Happy Birthday, Grandma.


Wedding Six tomorrow. With good friends and a boyfriend. Shall be a great time. Definitely an adventure.

My first weekend to stay in KC the entire weekend since the beginning of August is still two weeks away.

My sister and I are doinng a run together. Four miles. Should be interesting. We get a Tshirt.

This morning I had to get up before the sun. The last time I was awake at that hour was when I was staying up that late, not getting up that early. Hilarious.

I was 75% seriously considering flying to LA this weekend and was only deterred by the cost of the flight ($700? GET REAL). Next time I need to plan more in advance. And not get wrapped up in ridiculous hope for making it as a dancer in a Disney Parade. Haha.

Tell me something about your day.

i love the unknown

I am sick of the highway.

Tomorrow is a new day. And it's the eighth. Which means it'll be better than today. Even though today was great, tonight was not. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Ever since I got on that highway, I have felt so uneasy and so unsure. Coming "home" to the OP doesn't feel safe. It doesn't feel right.

But I don't know if I'll ever feel that anywhere.

Except...I know what does make me feel at home. It's just not very attainable.

I have Netflix now. Please let me know of any movies I need to experience.

Please let me know if you have a job for me. Or hear of a cool internship. Or want me to house/pet sit for you. I'm good that those things.

it's like rain

Interview number two tomorrow.
Lawrence tomorrow. Including Codi time = happiest day ever [okay, not THE happiest day EVER, but a great one at least].

Rest of the week: TBA. Hoping to be working, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

This weekend: a thousand and one possibilities.

Reunion of old friends from high school? check. And it was quite incredible. And they still know me all too well. And laugh about how naive/innocent I am. And I am totally okay with that. I'd rather that then the opposite any day of the week.

Still obsessed with "Everybody" (Ingrid Michaelson's new album).

September tomorrow.

My bamboo is getting huge.

I miss college. But I'm really glad my FB status isn't "dreading the homework," "about to start a ten page paper," or "have to ready twenty zillion pages in two hours." Instead, I sit at home feeling worthless and watching Style shows about Sandra Bullock working her way into being famous.

And the cycle returns. I don't think I'll be satisfied unless I don't try, but where-oh-where to begin?

and are we there yet?

Phew.

I love vacations so much that I've turned my Dad's house into a vacation home. I was out of KC for eight days and now that I'm back I'm starting to realize that this is more of a home than I realized. All in only three months.

In the past weekish I have:

::Filled six or seven boxes with things to donate/sell from my childhood.
::Had my first job interview.
::Seen where my cousin and his future wife will live.
::Been depressed about not doing recruitment.
::Had a girls' night with Jenna.
::Witnessed a friend from middle school get married.
::Reconnected with an elementary school friend at that wedding (and I hadn't seen her since HS graduation).
::Been accepted into graduate school.
::Bought a great new CD.
::Blacked out at the doctor's office.
::Sent out my resume four more times.
::Missed Manhattan (and my loves that live there).
::Felt oddly secure with my still undetermined future.

Also, I have realized that I spend way too much of my life counting down to things.
...it's really hard not to.

and you feel like you've had enough

Breathe in. Breathe out.

I'm about to do one of the most difficult and emotional things I have had to do in a long while. I have been putting it off for about a decade now, and now that I am unemployed and pretty much have no life, it seems a good a time as any to finally sort through all of my crap.

Literally. Okay, not ACTUAL crap, but all my belongings. I have approximately 20+ boxes to go through. My goal is to have 2. Probably not going to happen, but we can always hope, right?

So, I have trapped myself in the basement for the entire day to finally put a first dent in my time in Topeka. Sorting and getting rid of crap.

Here we go. Wish me luck.

and everybody knows it

We're almost halfway through August.

Do you like how I update you on where we are on the calendar of the year? Just in case you weren't aware, we only have four and a half months of 2009 remaining. A little crazy. Then, it's on to the 201_ years. No more writing 200_. I'll miss that double zero.

Currently a fourth of the way through my fourth book for this summer. David Sedaris - check him out. He was recommended to me by a certain Miss Krista. Speaking of her, she is now freshly engaged. So exciting. Now I can look at wedding things online and watch dumb wedding shows without feeling pangs of guilt afterwards.

It's been over a year since I came back from Europe. A fact that baffles my mind. I would love to return sometime soon. Occassionally I consider jobs overseas. In all honesty, though, I don't know if I could be that far away.

A large part of my heart is sad that I'm not in work week right now. I know you actives, well, you think I'm crazy. But it's definitely somemthing you miss when it can no longer be yours. I miss Kappa and I'm not afraid of saying that.

If I'm going to stay in Kansas City I need to start finding a place like Bluestem so I don't go crazy. Or maybe a JOB. THAT is a novel idea.

Denial is something I'm really good at.
Like Clint having his last night in KC tonight.
And me not seeing him as often.
And the fact that I'm a college graduate (yes, still in denial about that).

Or that I'm in my twenties.

Things get weirder as you get older, but time just keeps on going.
Strange concept, I know.

Off to read a bit, shower, and finish hanging up my clothes that have been on the floor all summer (I finally got some hangers).

these are my confessions

(confessions/realizations of this eve)

1. Christmas music came on my itunes shuffling. And i liked it. (Megan, you should be proud. It's August)
2. I free wrote for almost an hour.
3. I've been awake for twenty hours.
4. Sleep isn't something I necessarily want to do.
5. One more option of my future was decided tonight when I was brushing my teeth.
6. Friends have curious ways of sneaking into the deepest parts of your hearts, without you knowing, and completely mending what you didn't know needed to be fixed.
7. Text messages rock.
8. Wedding this weekend is fourth of eight for 2009. I'll be at the halfway point!
9. My hair really frustrates me when it won't stay in a ponytail.
10. Lately, my dreams have sucked. Mainly because I'm afraid they'll come true. Or feel like I might make them come true. Blech, Toby.
11. I love headbands.

Happy Friday.

shall i stay?

something to think about. i love lyrics. so very, very much. and for the first time i finally paid attention to these lyrics. and i wanted to cry. i mean, who can't relate to this? i bolded the ones i have thought about for many years of my life.

"giving up" by ingrid michaelson

What if we stop having a ball?
What if the paint chips from the wall?
What if there's always cups in the sink?
What if I'm not what you think I am?

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?
What if I never let you win, chase you with a rolling pin?
Well, what if I do?

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

What if our baby comes home after nine?
What if your eyes close before mine?
What if you lose yourself sometimes?
Then I'll be the one to find you
Safe in my heart

I am giving up on making passes and
I am giving up on half empty glasses and
I am giving up on greener grasses
I am giving up

I am giving up
I am giving up
I am giving up on greener grasses

I am giving up for you
I am giving up for you
I am giving up


happy saturday.
i'm cleaning and laying out, what are you doing?

maybe i'll actually get u.s. dollars from my extra euros from last summer. hm.

gimme gimme

Sometimes I just want to give up on everything that is happening.

And move to some island and teach dance lessons. Not that I am at all qualified to teach dance, but you get what I'm saying, right?

My life has not found any sort of purpose since I walked across the stage in Bramlage and I could not be more frustrated. Although, I thought that fact was true a month ago and I have since become more frustrated.

Other parts of my life are quite wonderful. But, as they always say, good things must come to an end. I have a feeling I'm going to have to suffer through that phrase more in the next few months than I ever have in my life.

Dear Sutton Foster,

I want to be you. Is that okay? I mean, I can just take all the shows you've been in and everything, considering two are definitely all in my top five.

Thank you!

I miss Manhattan. Good grief.

Tonight to Sunday: Topeka
Sunday night to Tuesday: Manhattan

Let me know if you want to hang out. Fo real.

Fly dove, sing sparrow...

/emo

You know it's that time in my life. It's the time when I listen to all my musical soundtracks and nothing else.

That dream keeps haunting me. Ha.

forget all your technicolor dreams

For my birthday, I got new shoes. I wore them for the first time last night to see the new Harry Potter movie. Guess who has the same shoes as HP. Yep. Me.

If there was one human in the world who could consume the most macaroni and cheese in a week, it would be me.

My dreams have been extremely vivd lately. Two or three a night, with vibrant colors and sometimes it takes me a good minute to convince myself that I was only dreaming, that it wasn't real. Topics include: my grandma dying, mom's cancer returning, Clint breaking up with me, losing a tooth, getting a snaggly creep-o tooth, and buying approximately 25 different kinds of macaroni and cheese from a huge Costco/Sam's - like store.

I'm on to book number two of the summer and have successfully completed my first art project of the summer - and the person I gave it to was quite happy.

Second Starlight show tonight, a few days of nothing, then house/cat sitting for Dad, and Manhattan for a few days as well.

Then, August happens.
Boo.

and i can't react

twenty two and going strong.

And now, the song "23" applies to me. Strange.

A good amount of time has passed since my last post. A wonderful (one of the best) Fourth of July, time with the family, my birthday, the celebrations for it, and today is Clint's birthday. I like our birthdays being close. It feels more even that way.

I finished my first book of the summer. To Air is Human by Dan Crane. Hilarious and easy to read. It was about trying to be a professional air guitarist.

You know who I'm jealous of? People who have small feet. They have really cute feet and shoes that are cute small and adorable. I wish that my shoes were small and cute. Instead, they are rather large, and typically double the size of the display shoe, making them dramatically less cute.

Painting is my new fave. I need to be writing more. And apply for even more jobs. Eventually, I need to figure out what my life is going to amount to. It's just difficult when I feel so certain about specific things. Things that terrify me, but get me very excited. And how do I make those things happen? Because if they don't, then I definitely need a new life plan.

Dear Ingrid Michaelson, Please post your tour dates for the rest of the USA, not just NYC, LA, Chicago, etc. Make sure you come close to me. Thank you.

Future things that will happen and make me happy: McPherson, Rachel's wedding, date night, world's of fun, zoo, HP, time alone at dad's, etc.

Happy Birthday, boyfriend.

yeah, i'm waiting

Happy July.

That's weird.

I have been out of school a month and a half now. Who knew this summer would slip away so easily and without me noticing?

I have one week left of being 21. I've never been sad about aging, except when I turned 20. And so it begins, I suppose. On the bright side, I'm signed up for enough e-mail things that two restaurants and a clothing company sent me some free things/%'s off items in my e-mail this morning, so that is fun.

Lately, I have been researching graduate school. I mean...what else am I supposed to do with my life, right? Sigh...this is what I get for putting all my eggs in one basket. Or, as my sister and I decided, I put all my eggs, children, DVDs, food, life savings, and security in one basket. In case you were wondering: that basket caught on fire back in January and was ruined. So potential life plans were also ruined. Well, not RUINED, they're simply substantially delayed, I suppose.

Right now I'm reading a book about a guy who competed worldwide to be the best air guitarist. I really like it.

Anyone living in Manhattan this year and needing a roomie?
Not that it's for sure happening, I'm just doing research.

The tornado siren drill here is so freaking long. I swear they've been going off for thirty minutes off-and-on.

I have nothing more to say, except I'm really excited for the fourth.

i can be anything that i see

happy 50th, my mommy. i love you!

This day last year, I was in Italy being homesick for my Mom on her 49th. Today, I got to wake up and see my Mom and give her lots of hugs and love. It was wonderful. Italy was great, but I have since realized that living THAT far away would be improbable for me. Although, if I really fell in love and my husband had to move there, I would NO DOUBT be excited and would follow him in a heartbeat. Maybe even if we were just engaged. But, an adventure is an adventure.

This past weekend, one of my favorite people/best friends got married. Her wedding weekend was a huge blast and I got to spend so much time with her and other awesome girlies. I got drunk for the first time in a while and it was time spent with great people. I got to get pretty in a cute dress and dance with my boyfriend. It was a wonderfully incredible time, just as I knew it would be. Being in a wedding is glorious, but also a lot of work. Totally worth it, though.


i like him.

such awesome colors, ya?

In other news, yesterday...Michael Jackson died. Just typing that out makes me kind of sick. He had a lasting impact on my life. I watched the news with my Mom for over an hour last night after it was announced. I was almost crying. I danced to his music later. Rest in Peace, MJ, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon. You will all be missed.

Still unemployed. Still depressed about it. Getting better at enjoying my time "off" though.

I got to see some of my favorites in Manhattan this week. I was in town for about 16 hours and was able to grad dinner with Ana, hang out time with Steve/Amber/Andrea, and breakfast with Kati/Mara. It was like a dream come true. Then, a day in McPherson with my Jenna. Good week.

Inspired by Mara, I looked up my color personalities.

#1: Lake. You are very attractive, talkative, and have beautiful expressive eyes. One of your greatest assets is your sincere love for those around you. You are in touch with your emotions and help others get in touch with theirs.
#2: Black. You are highly emotional and very loyal to your friends. You are disciplined, an overachiever and very serious. You have a keen understanding of the past and are aware of why things happen the way they do.

Mostly true. The emotions/emotioanl things for sure. For sure the awareness of past/why things happen. That's like...my life in a nutshell. And I do SO love those colors.

And I'll end on this note:

Clint and I got carded to see The Hangover (rated R) last night.
We're turning 22 in two weeks. Holler!

if not ever i had known

Moments of my Monday.

While waiting impatiently for the mail, I peek outside my front door to see a cute old man who lives across the street from me. He is practicing his golf swing.

I plan out the bars I shall partake in this Thursday evening with some fine lovely ladies at the Country Club Plaza. Also, I research which hotel is cheapest and within walking distance. I do not anticipate any of us being competent enough to drive us there. Google maps says five minutes walking. I like this answer.

Ben Folds sings to me through my Mom's iPod speakers. I enjoy him a lot. My sister does not.

The kitchen is clean again. My daily ritual complete.

You know you watch a TV station that has an audience target of 50+ when every commercial is about diabetes, Rascals, and Depends. In case you were wondering: Game Show Network.

Matthew is a very long book in the Bible. It's taking me quite a long time. I don't even think I'm halfway through!

Today is Codi Lee's last Monday being "Miss Codi" ...I wonder how that feels. I would be terrified.

Lately, from my days of cleaning house, reading, job searching, and blogging, I have realized a few things about myself. I dislike running errands alone, going to sleep without JUST saying goodnight to someone, staying up late without a companion, and spending the majority of the day with little to no human interaction. A lot of these things are probably because I always lived in a house full of people to run to Target with, say goodnight to while IN bed next to/above them, stay up late with, and interact with at any hour of the day/night. I don't think I'll ever live alone.

Every one of my blog entry titles is a song lyric. Excpet January entries, they were number-themed.

I miss Manhattan. "More than I could possibly say." (name where that quote comes from)...but I really do.

El fin.

endless rain into a paper cup

Letters I wrote in my head today. Tuesday.

Dear Rainy Day,

I was going to run outside today, but you were downpouring, and your friend lightning was striking awfully close to my house. You make me kind of emo, so I decided to waste my morning, the one I actually woke up semi-early for the first time, watching a movie. I kind of thank you for that, but it took away some of my productivity and motivation. So, maybe I don't thank you for that.

I'm sure I'll see you soon.

Sincerely,
Laura
**
Dear Panera at Oak Park,

Thank you for allowing me to have a splendid meeting spot for me to meet up with my friend Tricia. You provided a great atmosphere for us to catch up. Your Broccoli Cheese soup could take a few pointers from the Manhattan store, but the coffee was just dandy.

Thanks again,
Laura
**
Dear Clothing Companies,

I understand that the world dresses with less and less fabric these days, and the trends are all to be short and sassy...but some of us have long legs and look like complete skanks when we wear things above our knees. It would be greatly appreciated if you would lengthen the hem length on your skirts and dresses and made more bermuda shorts for those of us who need it. Think of it as the "long" option in jeans. I LOVE the long option in jeans. It saves me a lot of grief. Why not a "long" option in dresses and skirts?

Just a thought. Thank you for your time.

Laura
**
Dear American Eagle,

I feel like I am getting to old for you, or you are getting younger faster. Either way, I think this time next year I won't be buying from you anymore. This fact makes me sad.

Take care,
Laura
**
Dear Aerie,

You are my happy place. Thank you for your great customer service and treating me like an actual person and not just another customer you want to get money out of. Although, you did give me lots of things to try on that I wasn't interested in, you made me feel appreciated. Especially on an emo rainy day. I wish I could have found something worth buying so I could pick out a pretty ribbon for my bag. Maybe some other day.

Oh, and could you make your sports bras into medium and a half? Because that's what size I need. Thanks.

Yours,
Laura
**
Dear Teenagers,

Stop going to the mall. You annoy me and everyone else in the world.

Sincerely,
Laura
**
Dear Mall Kiosks,

Thank you for not approaching me today. I would have given you a lot of sass. You saved yourself some heartache.

Laura
**
Dear Barnes and Noble,

I have a gift card for you and I was excited to use it. You make me indecisive so I had to come home and research so I could decide waht to buy later. You have so many options.

You also make me want to be a writer even more than I thought. Maybe someday my book can confuse people with its witty title and super interesting cover that makes everyone want to buy it - or at least read the back of it. B&N, you inspire me. Good thing I have a gift card to you AND Starbucks. This way, I can enjoy you free of charge for a few weeks. Maybe I'll use you to start writing my book. I think that's what I'll do instead of working. I'll just write a best selling novel, then an autobiography, and then a series of children books. I mean, how hard can it be, right?

Right.

Much love,
Laura
**
Dear Oak Park Parking lot,

Stop trying to be like Manhattan with your poor drainage system. I was up to my ankles in water getting to my car. I'm glad I wore my shorts today. But now my feet are all dry and stuff. I don't like it.

Also, you have too many parking spots. Can you plant some trees? I mean, I know you needs those spots when it's the holiday season, but who needs that many people in the mall anyway?

Oh, well. I shouldn't have driven to the mall anyway since I live so close, but Rainy Day poured on me when I was going to AND from the mall, so it was worth it.

Concerned Citizen,
Laura
**
Dear Red Zipper Hoodie,

You are the best. Thank you for taking all the rain out of my hair and allowing me to be semi-dry when I got to the mall and home. You rock. I don't know what I'd do without you.

Love!
Laura
**
Dear Trash Man,

It's almost five in the evening...can you come already? I thought you had and I brought the trash can back into the garage only to find out that the trash was still in it.

Thank you,
Laura
**
Dear Ingrid Michaelson,

You are incredibly talented and I love listening to your music all day every day. You are one reason I wish I would have stayed home from Italy last summer...to see you in concert. I hope you come back to Kansas soon.

Sincerely,
Laura
**
Dear Blog Readers,

Thanks for listening to my thoughts on this rainy Tuesday. I seriously narrated my day like this.

Apparently when I walk around big malls by myself I go slightly crazy.

Whatevs.

Love,
Laura

P.S. What is your favorite book? Or CD? I have B&N and iTunes gift cards.

i'll find it in myself

More often than not, I define myself by the things I am involoved in.

I am a K-State student.
I am a Kappa.
I am a theatre major.


When I don't have things to define myself by, I tend to go crazy. This is starting to happen. Unemployed and lacking a social life, I am slowly beginning to realize that when I am not constantly making coffee dates or lunch breaks with friends between rehearsals and classes, and I am, instead, quite bored, I tend to lose my grip on the important things in life and go into a self-loathing phase.

I need to get out of it.

So, I am going to make a list of things I will do in order to stop disliking my life and feeling inadequate in all ways possible:

::call a friend every day::
::write a letter every day::
::read the Bible every day::
::paint something every week(ish)::
::hang out with my cousins::
::find jobs to apply for::
::go running::
::take care of myself::
::cook something spectacular::
::utilize my creative writing books::
::apply to be an intern for ellen and conan::
::send fan mail to zach braff (why not?!)::
::create a great running playlist::
::get pictures ready to print::
::print them...duh::


Just a few ideas.

Oh. And I think I've decided to paint my toe nails a new color every week.

So...there that is.

Peace, amigos.

from a great height

Hello from The Strutt coffee shop in Kalamazoo, MI. My final 26 hours remain in this great state and I cannot believe how quickly it has come to an end. Many great memories, good wine, wonderful company, and plenty of sunshine. Katy is working hard behind the counter while I journal, read, write thank you notes, and (now) blog. Sipping on an Izze sparkling pomegranate juice and nibbling on a lemon-blueberry scone. The radio station they have is a great one. Radiohead, The Killers, Postal Service, and Linkin Park (what? yes.), just to name a few. I'm holding on to these last few moments for all they are worth.

I'm making water marks on the wood banister next to me. I bet they hate that.

Pixar's "Up" comes out on Friday and I am really excited to see it. Living in KC now allows me to be guaranteed a movie-going buddy. My cousins or my sister. For sure. Especially with a Disney flick.

I am kind of dreading going home because that means back to reality. Looking for a job, missing KSU, missing my friends...especially my roomies. I've been missing them an AWFUL lot as of late. They are too wonderful for words. Reunion ASAP, I say.

If I were a boy, I would shave my facial hair in designs. And my head. I would shave a maze into it. And then tattoo a snake going through part of the maze.

Crazy story:

There was a lady one of Katy's friends knew and she went to the pet store to ask what was wrong with her snake. It was a big guy and she actually slept with it at night (creepy, but whatever). So I guess it wasn't eating and she was concerned about it, so she went to as the store what she should do. They asked what had been its typical habits during the day, etc. and she included the part where it slept next to her in bed. Immediately the store clerk said she had to get rid of it. The clerk explained that the snake was sizing her up at night to see if it could eat her.

Doesn't that give you the creeps? Here she is, loving this animal and it's plotting to eat her.

Ee-gads!

That's all I got.

Peace.

from the inside out

As I was falling asleep last night, I realized something. I had completely forgotten to read my letter to myself on my graduation day. So, the first thing I did this morning, was read it.

I have never been so disappointed. It was nothing like I had expected.

But, then I skimmed through it again. Besides it not giving me any hope for my future, it was negative, upsetting, and...truly encompassed who I was freshman year. Three years ago.

This letter is the most impactful thing I've run across in a long time, to be quite honest. I did NOT realize how negative, spiteful, and awful I was when I came to college. The fact that people stayed friends with me is incredible. And thinking that I've had successes and continued to live in a normal way since then gives me definite hope for my future.

After reading this letter, what is most apparent to me is how Christ's love has finally warmed my once cold heart. He has saved me from this horrible person I was becoming. Every thought I had written down in that letter was with anger and frustration, not with hope or love. I thought I wasn't going to be getting along with my Dad and Cindy, that I would never get married or fall in love, that I would really only come home every once in a while, and probably would never be happy with what I was doing. Now, even thought I dread making decisions about my future, am terrified that I am an Alum of KSU, and don't really want to grow up, at least I have a hope for my future and DO love my family so very, very much. I am so thankful for my friends that have helped shape me into the person I am today. Without them, I would have never found Christ and my life would have been in even more shambles than it appears now.

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declared the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plays to give you hope and a future."

James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.

Romans 5:1-5 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and cahracter, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because Got has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whome he has given us.

Romans 9:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

Just a selection of some goodies.

When I wrote that letter to myself (on March 29, 2006) I would have never ever guessed that I would hate to leave KSU and my friends there, that I would have a boyfriend, and never in a million years would I believe that there was a God. And, to top that off, I would have never believed that I would read that letter and completely be even more convinced of the wonderful things God has done in my life.

I had my exit interview from the department a week ago today. One of the last things my professor told me was how he was so glad he got to watch us all grow up. And you know what he said he saw change the most in me? How I am so much more positive than when I came to school. That I seemed more confident and okay with things than I was freshman year and wasn't as negative about life and school, etc.

So, embrace today. Love the Lord. Be at peace with where you are. And remember this:

"I'm sure that wherever I end up, I'll have meant to get there. If not, everything happens for a reason. As long as I'm happy with what I've got and enjoy life, that is ultimately all that matters."

(the only part of that letter worth sharing)

Thank you for your time and God bless.

here's to the blue and blue

so i pack clothes i rarely wear
into white plastic trash bags

i try to contemplate the impossible task
of shoving all my possessions into my small red car

tears come and go from girls i know too well
we cannot fathom leaving each other for good

so we reflect on the past years
growing up, moving on

another 48 hours of a place so great
though we'd like to stay forever

so i pack my things into old dance bags
or into shoeboxes i saved for this occassion

take down the pictures around my mirror
discover hidden treasures while cleaning drawers

another moving out, another moving on
but this time i'm not coming back.

blech.
i hate this.

give me something to sing about

the length my hair is right now is perfect. it's a great length for a ponytail. hooray!

nutella. i love you so very, very much.

tonight i will be having a study snack of gumby's pizza at kappa. this will be my sixth thing i have completed on my list of things to do. i'm very excited about this.

i should probably start cleaning my room.

PANDORA YOU ROCK MY WORLD! band of horses, the shins, and radiohead?! yes, please!

i'm starting to get ansy about leaving. knowing that it's happening soon is getting me ready to get up and out. i'm going to miss it times a million, yes, this is true. but...once the transition starts it's hard to not let it snowball out of control.

six days till i get to read the letter to myself. :)

i wish i didn't have to tape my camera back together every time i took the battery/memory card out of it. sigh.

this time four years ago i was looking forward to a summer of babysitting my cousins. and now one of them will be 16 in july and the other is still on crutches from breakin his leg. and he'll be in high school next year. crazy.

you know what i love most of all? creating.

art. writings. ideas. performances. emotoins. characters. anything.

creating is such a wonderful outlet for my mind. i need to do a lot of that this summer.

nine days to my kp. it can't come quickly enough.

please...i need something...

i chose to feel it and you couldn't choose

my roomies are starting to pack up their stuff. this is quite unnerving.

three more classes of college and i'm finished.




say goodbye, to the above. i'm an alum.

i made a list of final things to do in manhattan. i made it a goal to complete at least one by today and probably six by this weekend. we'll see how it goes.

i need to start eating all the food in my food drawer.

mara has pandora on and it's the best list ever. the songs that have played since i was at my desk have been superb. i mean, we're talking death cab, the stars, sufjan (*swoon*), coldplay. yesh.

maybe i'll re-read my fave book next week. kiss me like a stranger. and watch all the movies it talks about. maybe that's something i should add to my list...although it's not manhattan specific, so maybe not.

can't wait to do a bunch of things with this girl this summer. fo real, yo.



if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad, if it makes you happy, why the hell are you so sad?

but her life is so beautiful

...as memories continue to grow into beautiful things that spring from these rows...

incredibly speechless.

my family threw me a surprise graduation party last night. overwhelming, wonderful, and completely surprising.

both sides. mom, dad, everyone. friends, family. it was incredible.
i never ever in a million years thought something like this would happen.

happy may, i say.

two weeks until i'm a college graduate.
three weeks and i'll be in michigan.
four weeks and i'll be job searching.

and a new chapter begins.
holy s*.

a curious paradox

lots of posts lately.
kind of strange.

anywho.

today i searched my room at my dad's to find old papers that i have to turn in for my exit interview with the theatre department. while searching, i found letters that i have received in the past four years. from brenton, katy, people at camps, HS friends, kappa girls, etc.

and i finally found what i've been looking for. the letter from myself.

about two years ago in a theatre class we had to write a letter to ourselves on graduation day. we aren't allowed to read it before then. it's still sealed. and in capital letters: DO NOT OPEN UNTIL GRADUATION. i am so excited to read it. like it's going to tell me what to do with my life or make fun of me if i have a boyfriend. i feel like i'm going to make myself laugh or say something like "you probably have no idea what you're doing with your life..."

i cannot wait to open that letter. is that pathetic or what?

rainy day. i just want to sleep.

word to the wise: don't go to wine tastings with your dad. you will accidentally get drunk and might be embarrassed the following day.

check my hand 'cause i'm marvelous

long weekend at "home"
lawrence, kc, topeka.

23 days to michigan.
which means...21 days to graduation.
four days of modern remaining (skipping one)
four days of tap remaining (skipping one)
four days of jazz remaining
four days of mask remaining
four days of screenwriting reamining

zero finals.

this semester is so freaking strange.

watching "no country for old men" with mom and mike. i like this movie. it's kind of the perfect amount of thrill and horror...with a little too much gore. sometimes i wonder why i enjoy death movies so much more than anything girly.

movies intrigue me so very much. i love cinematography. i really want to study film or at least get some books on it so i can start somewhere.

"i mean, i would. if you're already in that much trouble...what's murdering an officer?" -my mom

summer thoughts:

.read more books.
.finish a few books in the bible.
.paint more.
.run three times a week.
.lay out/swim often.
.keep free writing.
.journal.
.get out of the freaking house.

today i was home alone for a large amount of time. i watched an entire season (but the last episode, funny enough) of ANTM. from 11AM to 10:20PM. then we started the movie.

starting to get more and more emo about graduation.

got a drunk dial from the bestie. she graduated this morning. she was hilarious. and i cannot wait to visit her...excpet she is a TOTAL light weight, so us going out will be pretty silly.



get to see this boy tomorrow. he gets married on may day. crazy how time flies by. this picture was the summer after we graduated i think.

here's to the end of april. the month that hardly existed at all. ha.

sinking like stones

homes, places we've grown, all of us are done for. we live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do.

i am really bad at things.

today i did something really stupid that stirred up the muck at the bottom of my swampy heart. and now i feel like i'm drowning.

that came out a lot more dramatic than it needed to, but that's kind of how it feels.

so, whoops. sorry, laura. i really don't take care of you enough, do i?

weird. and it's almost been four years since then. sometimes things just jump out from the past and screw with your mind. i wish i had a better fortress protecting me from that.

you were indifferent, i was young

chips + cheese = so great. let me tell you what.

chocolate? also great.

not being able to stop eating? not so great.

being addicted to solitaire? well, that's up in the air.
i played it before i went to class this morning. my class is at 8:05! pathetic? yes.

today, i picked up my cap and gown and graduation announcements. part of me died inside.

this weekend was just fabulous.
i also rediscovered my love for cooking. and hopefully will be doing that a lot more lately.

last kappa formal was friday. it was a hit.

i have a date this sunday. and i am *so* excited. my dad and i are going to a wine tasting and dinner at my favorite topeka restaurant. new city cafe.

lots of weddings. a bit overwhelming. let me tell you.

one month from today i will be getting back from cedar point. one of the best amusement parks in the world. located in ohio.

this week i look forward to: seeing my mom, sister, family, and rebecca's show.

next week i look forward to: final chapter, senior dinner, L6 pubcrawl, senior pubcrawl, krista/kels's birthdays, etc.

the next week i look forward to: final project in jazz performance, a dead week that is dead for once.

the following week?: free at last. no finals, all fun. then...graduation.

followed by dad's birthday dinner, MICHIGAN, and...a job. i hope.

life slips right on by. two months from today my bestie codi will be wed. eek!

build my castle out of sand

sigh.
life is good to me a lot of the time.

in one month and nine days i will be a kansas state university alumnus.
in one month and twelve days i will be on a plane to see my favorite person in my favorite place.

it's official, world, laura and katy will be reunited.
tell the children to stay at home for the eight glorious days they will be in each others' presence.
you never can know what shenanigans will ensue.

i am so happy. and i cannot believe i finally get to go back up north. it's been a year and nine months.
about freaking time.

yesterday i booked my flight, ordered my cap and gown, and ordered my announcements for graduation. crazy day.

tomorrow i get to see one of my favorite artists live for the third time. ben freaking folds. he's just great.

hm. and in six days it will be four months. THAT is cray cray.

much love to you and yours.

p.s. fiction family. check them out. i'm obsessed.

five star mini bar luxury hotel room

i don't want to jinx it.
but something wonderful is about to happen.
so until it's finalized and purchased...
just know i'm going to have a reason to smile once i put my tassle on the other side.

just in time to save me from a mental breakdown.

last ksu show tonight. spring dance.

everyone is coming. i hope i don't suck.

and our cracking bones make noise

one month, two weeks.

and then...well, another change. graduation and becoming an alumnus of both kansas state and kappa. so strange. a time i NEVER thought would come, just like i felt about coming to college.

i love when my room is always dark. we call it our "emo" room time. we blame it on the eco-lympics (saving the world, one light bulb at a time), but i think we all just like it this way.

it's snowed. i didn't like it.
now it's all slushy. i still don't like it.

i've almost successfully watched all of 30 rock in three days. i have to come up with the ideas for my episode by tuesday and cannot change them. yikes. i need to start brainstorming.

april 3&4 = spring dance
april 8 = ben folds
april 10 = tricia's 21st
april 12 = easter
april 14 = tiffany's 22nd
april 15 = kylie's 21st
april 17 = formal
april 23-27 = personal long weekend
april 29 = kels/krista's 22nd

april showers bring may flowers...

and scare laura half to death because she has no life plan and no clue where she'll be living in six weeks...but it's whatever.

whatever i touch

what i really enjoy about leaving kappa most: softer toilet paper.

there are very few things that i like about leaving kappa, but that is one of them. this morning i was rudely reminded that we do not have soft toilet paper. it is quite the opposite.

i suppose that can be something i can look forward to when i get my own place.

lately the future has been stressing me out. i'm trying to think of new options for my living situation, but the more options i get, the more stressed out i get, and the more stressed out i get, the more emotional i get, and the more emotional i get, the more i want to shut down and cry and the more i want to shut down and cry, the more i get frustrated with myself because i am not in control; never have been, never will be.

when will my tiny little mind accept the fact that i am not the one making the calls in my life?

it's going to be okay

...and i just wanna be ok, be ok, be ok, i just wanna be ok today. i just wanna know today, know today, know today, i just wanna know something today...

don't get lost in the crowd

Think of 25 albums that had such a profound effect on you they changed your life or the way you looked at it. They sucked you in and took you over for days, weeks, months, years. These are the albums that you can use to identify time, places, people, emotions. These are the albums that no matter what they were thought of, they musically shaped your world. They stood up, they lasted, they mattered. They still matter, in some way (even if only in memory). When you finish, tag 25 others, including me. Make sure you copy and paste this part, yadda yadda yadda. Doesn't have to be The 25. Just the 25 Right Now, as memory and listening demand. In no necessary order.

*These are more...albums that really take me down memory lane. Not necessarily life changing.

1. Alanis Morissette - Under Rug Swept
2. The O.C. Mix 1
3. Mindless Self Indulgence - You'll Rebel to Anything
4. The All-American Rejects (self titled album)
5. Avril Lavigne - Let Go
6. Ben Folds Five - Whatever & Ever Amen
7. *NSYNC - No Strings Attached
8. Into the Woods (original Broadway cast)
9. New Radicals - Maybe You've Been Brainwashed Too
10. Center Stage soundtrack
11. Garden State soundtrack
12. Sufjan Stevens - Illinois
13. A Walk to Remember soundtrack
14. Coldplay - A Rush of Blood to the Head
15. Death Cab for Cutie - Plans
16. Eisley - Combinations
17. Queen - Greatest Hits
18. Michael Jackson - History (I & II)
19. OK Go (self titled album)
20. Radiohead - OK Computer
21. Good Charlotte - Young and the Hopeless
22. Ingrid Michaelson - Girls and Boys
23. Rocket Summer - Calendar Days
24. Meatloaf - Bat Out of Hell (I & II)
25. Mika - Life in Cartoon Motion

i will be waiting

tell me that i:
-have small feet.
-have a cute forehead.
-am the funniest girl you know.

offer:
-me panera soup when i'm sick.
-to pay for my ice cream/coffee.
-me hugs when i'm feeling down.

...and i'm so happy.

(okay...that was the cute post that the bachelor ruined. sorry for the cheese.)

giving up

i had a cute post i was going to put.
but then the bachelor happened.

i don't care who you are, but you do not break up with someone on national television. no matter what the circumstances. no. never. what a tool. i just hope for his sake that they made him do it because he signed his life away or something. and abc made him do it.

i hate abc. but i love lost. i am so conflicted right now.

sigh.

i hate how emotionally invested i can get into reality tv. it's just such a sucker of emotions and energy and time.

so, now, i move on to finish my take home test and prepare for a fun road trip tomorrow.

jason...you are an idiot.

no other hope, no other way

i love spending 7 hours on an application only to be rejected.
i also love spending over a month preparing and submitting an application only to be rejected.

growing up kind of sucks.

in other news, britney turned 21 and i am ecstatic. but being the dd isn't all it's cracked up to be.

this weekend my mom and i are hitting the ville. i am more than stoked.

my iTunes shuffle has really been sub-par lately.

you remind me of the babe...the babe with the power...

transmitting on my frequency

roadkill i passed today:

1. tabby cat (that looked way too much like my first cat)
2. puppy
3. skunk
4. large bird
5. skunk #2
6. unidentified lump of blood and flesh
7. another bird/version of #6
8. skunk #3

reasons why dancing all day every day is great:

1. toning my body
2. more flexible
3. feel better about myself
4. tights/leo make me feel skinnier
5. make new friends
6. it's fun
7. no homework
8. feel creative

reasons why dancing all day every day is awful:

1. feet wounds
2. constantly sore
3. back knots
4. blisters
5. floor burns
6. constantly tired
7. no real classes = not feasible to add a major to extend time in college
8. if i get hurt, i am screwed

but i'm a creep

i love radiohead.

ok computer is the best album i own. or at least the one i can listen to at any moment in time and absolutely love. unless, of course, i am driving...because then it just calms me down and i want to nap on the highway.

it just...is great. order of the songs in their awesomeness (even though any of you that read this probably have never heard any of these songs...oh well)

1. paranoid android
2. subterranean homesick alien
3. exit music (for a film) ---i intend to use this in whatever movie i make.
4. no surprises
5. let down
6. the tourist
7. karma police
8. climbing up the walls
9. lucky
10. electioneering
11. fitter happier

other great radiohead songs (in no order in particular):

2+2=5
sit down. stand up.
a wolf at the door.
sail to the moon.
backdrifts
creep
everything in its right place


i just...really love radiohead. i cannot express why i feel this way, but i really do.

anyway. i did my laundry and wrote a five page paper today. i feel only minorly accomplished.

oh well.

emo laura at 1:16am. go figure.

we left our love in our summer skin

Today I am doing something I would dream about when I was homesick in Italy.

I am sitting my favorite coffee shop [Bluestem Bistro], drinking my favorite drink [Black Forest Mocha], eating something sweet [a chocolate oatmeal bar and a chocolate covered strawberry], and enjoying a free Friday afternoon [although I'm spending it applying for jobs].

It's the little things in life.

One of the guys at the table across from me just started sining a song in another language. Cute.

I love the concept of flight. You can get anywhere in the world with the right amount of money and time.

And, really, we all need to take advantage of that. Think of the places we could go.

Oh, the places you'll go.

it's winding road

yesterday was fabulous.
skip-bo. pokey sticks. basketball watching. cake baking (observing). doing really well on a test. yes.

most exciting of all? i copied kristen and figured out how many days old i was.

7,887.

what's cool about that number? it's my birthday.
*please see my random list of things about me...i talk about how much i love that my birthday is a palindrome.

so i figured that yesterday was meant to be celebrated...or i thought i was going to die or something.

either way, it was a great day. with great friends. and b-e-a-u-tiful weather.

but isn't it crazy that the one day in my life that i actually look up how many days old i am that the number is my birthdate? i think that's just...crazy.

anyway. i need to shower.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARA! i love you.

all of us are done for

Whenever I try to do my homework (what little I have this semester) I fail.

I clean instead. I organize. I clean out my Gmail inbox. I sort things. I read. But I read what isn't productive for class. I make calendars. I think about taking another shower. I refill my water bottle. I reapply my chapstick. I contemplate the meaning of life. I take personality tests. I think about texting my bestie. I type things into my blog that I immediately erase because it's too late and my mind can't really function all that well. I listen to the "Garden State" soundtrack and remember times in my life which have changed quite dramatically. I think about different things I can do with my life for the next few years. I try to convince myself that it's okay Kappa only lasts four years. I try to plan my next trip to Lawrence. I think about how my weekends are slowly all filling up with things and that this semester will go by faster than any other semester of my life. I look for new cell phones. I research fun clothes that I wish I could have. I contemplate a tatto (and brainstorm the possibilities) or nose piercing. I stare at my homework, wondering where I went wrong.

You'd think that since I am in three dance classes, a theatre class, and an english class that I would actually have motivation for the minimal amount of homework I have. You would be severely incorrect.

It's not that I am not interested in my homework. In fact, this is one of very few classes I have enjoyed during college. And, yet, nothing is completed.

Oh, late nights. You are terrible for my small mind.

Good night, moon.

you don't know me (at all)

the twenty-five thing from facebook notes.
i figured this would be a little less public/embarrassing if i wrote it on my blog that very few people know about, as opposed to fbook where i have over 1,000 friends.

yeah? yeah.

1. I have been in The Nutcracker three times. My first dream when I was little was to be Clara when I got older and eventually be a ballerina.

2. The first make-up I ever owned was right before I started college. My mom bought it for me because I was doing sorority recruitment.

3. My first word was Elmo.

4. My singing range is Alto.

5. I absolutely love writing letters/sending snail mail/leaving notes for my friends.

6. Ask me any Disney song lyric from the animated movies of our childhood and I can a) tell you the song b) finish the rest of the song c) name the movie and the character singing it.

7. On average, my naps last 1.5 hours. (thirty minutes is the least, five hours the longest).

8. My favorite sport to play is badminton.

9. As much as I complain about it, I really do enjoy running.

10. The most consistent home I have had in the past four years is on Fairchild Terrace.

11. Most of my closest friends from HS all live in different states (MI, IL, NE, UT, TX, MO, etc.).

12. Italy this summer is one of the best experiences of my life.

13. I love flying. So much that I am seriously considering going to flight attendant school this summer.

14. My bamboo's name is Peter. My Ice Bat's name is Taylor. My bear's name is Ic Bear (pronounced eesh). My doll's name is Anne.

15. SciFi is my mom, sister, and my favorite channel to watch together.

16. The Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode CD was the first music I imported onto my iTunes. I know all the words. The inscription on the back of my iPod is a quote from of the songs "...and when the music starts/we open up our hearts"

17. My sister is the best person for me. We are pretty much complete opposites, but I do NOT know what I would do without her. She knows me inside out. And knows how to fix whatever mood I'm in

18. I own at least five tubes of the Mentha Lip Gloss from Bath and Body Works.

19. Every year, Santa puts Lip Smackers in my stocking.

20. On holidays, one of my favorite things to do is tell my Dad I'm going to my Mom's and tell my Mom I'm going to my Dad's and actually go somewhere alone so I can get away from the stress of everything for a few hours. Typically, I watch a movie.

21. Painting is my newest hobby. I'm not very good, but it relaxes me a lot.

22. I wish I liked to read more. My sister gets mad at me for not reading enough. She reads enough for the both of us.

23. Ice cream is my favorite.

24. My family always thinks that my eyes are brown. They are actually a dark blue with a little bit of green.

25. My birthday is a palindrome and I LOVE that about it.

three o' thirty

i'm at panera.
they gave me free coffee and free yogurt. and a coupon for a free coffee next time i'm here.

i don't know if you know this already, but: panera's coffee rocks. give me some half and half with that hazelnut, maybe a dash of honey (yep, honey in my coffee, judge if you want)...and it's great.

my original intention was to highlight more in my screenwriting book while i'm here, but i didn't pack another color highlighter. i have used blue and orange so far, and i wanted to use green next...maybe purple. but i only have blue right now, so i can't do that homework just yet.

so here i am.

the sun is rather warm. i'm sitting next to the window and am sweating. part of it due to the coffee, part of it due to the knee-high socks, mostly due to the sun-through-glass thing.

last night i watched 3 hours of 30 rock
now i have to make goals for my dance classes.

i love my homework.

5 6 7 8

tomorrow i get to wear these in class.

i'm more than excited.

this is the first real week of school. and i'll actually be here all weekend. what a strange concept, to be in one city for more than five days at a time. that hasn't happened since the beginning of december. welcome to laura's life.

my aunt and cousins hung out with me yesterday and it was wonderful. my aunt brought my little starbucks buddies, too. made me smile.

baby ketchup...so precious.

my bamboozle is growing a lot. that make me happy. last friday i got to see two besties in lawrence. so great. i love that codi lives so near to me. makes life a little bit easier.

i do not want to drive to topeka. i want to be there and have our family dinner, but i do not want to be on the highway again.

well, you know, we all wanna change the world.

twenty three

i went to vegas and came home a winner.
$23.
total, if i had not been greedy, i would have brought home $50. but i gambled money i won away before i could cash out. cest la vie.

vegas. it's interesting to think that people stay there longer than a few days at a time. it is truly its own culture. i feel bad for those who make a living there and deal out cards day in and day out in uncomfortable fancy clothes (or bras and skirts, if you're a pcd girl). watching people drink away and gamble away their money...often times simultaneously.

smoke. alcohol. nudity. money. insanity. lights. timeless.

when you are in vegas, time is relative. you can never be quite sure if it is day or night unless you are outside. no one stops gambling, no one stops dancing, no one stops drinking. it's a constant state of escape. i am not surprised at how popular it is for a getaway destination.

i just want everyone there to know that their lives are worth something.

i'm purchasing tights, leotards, and dance shoes this weekend. i am beyond excited about this.

also, i have recently decided that i will be a writer for the rest of my life.

so, good luck with that, self.

mac and cheese wednesday. oh, how i love thee. i only get maybe 8-10 more of them.

gotta make 'em count.

el six es oh nine

bloggin. noggin.

here it goes.

today i found my ipod guy that keeps track of my running. i guess my vaca from running has come to an end. last time i ran? may. hopefully i'll be able to do a lot better this semester with my five roomies on my tail.

moving back into the sorority for the final time. so weird. i'm growing up, growing old, and moving on. no clue for what the future is, and that's fine.

just a little terrifying.

today i realized that i have a lot of shoes. i also am a terrible pack rat. so i also threw away a lot of receipts and random things that i've held on to for apparently some strange reason.

i'm going to color organize my dvds soon, which makes me excited. just like codums and simon have their books in their lovely new home in l-town. which is so very close to me. so much closer than chi-town. and i love that.

las vegas in two days.
new york city in a month and a half.
st. louis and ft. worth this semester, i hope.

good times.

let's get this party started.