a curious paradox

lots of posts lately.
kind of strange.

anywho.

today i searched my room at my dad's to find old papers that i have to turn in for my exit interview with the theatre department. while searching, i found letters that i have received in the past four years. from brenton, katy, people at camps, HS friends, kappa girls, etc.

and i finally found what i've been looking for. the letter from myself.

about two years ago in a theatre class we had to write a letter to ourselves on graduation day. we aren't allowed to read it before then. it's still sealed. and in capital letters: DO NOT OPEN UNTIL GRADUATION. i am so excited to read it. like it's going to tell me what to do with my life or make fun of me if i have a boyfriend. i feel like i'm going to make myself laugh or say something like "you probably have no idea what you're doing with your life..."

i cannot wait to open that letter. is that pathetic or what?

rainy day. i just want to sleep.

word to the wise: don't go to wine tastings with your dad. you will accidentally get drunk and might be embarrassed the following day.

check my hand 'cause i'm marvelous

long weekend at "home"
lawrence, kc, topeka.

23 days to michigan.
which means...21 days to graduation.
four days of modern remaining (skipping one)
four days of tap remaining (skipping one)
four days of jazz remaining
four days of mask remaining
four days of screenwriting reamining

zero finals.

this semester is so freaking strange.

watching "no country for old men" with mom and mike. i like this movie. it's kind of the perfect amount of thrill and horror...with a little too much gore. sometimes i wonder why i enjoy death movies so much more than anything girly.

movies intrigue me so very much. i love cinematography. i really want to study film or at least get some books on it so i can start somewhere.

"i mean, i would. if you're already in that much trouble...what's murdering an officer?" -my mom

summer thoughts:

.read more books.
.finish a few books in the bible.
.paint more.
.run three times a week.
.lay out/swim often.
.keep free writing.
.journal.
.get out of the freaking house.

today i was home alone for a large amount of time. i watched an entire season (but the last episode, funny enough) of ANTM. from 11AM to 10:20PM. then we started the movie.

starting to get more and more emo about graduation.

got a drunk dial from the bestie. she graduated this morning. she was hilarious. and i cannot wait to visit her...excpet she is a TOTAL light weight, so us going out will be pretty silly.



get to see this boy tomorrow. he gets married on may day. crazy how time flies by. this picture was the summer after we graduated i think.

here's to the end of april. the month that hardly existed at all. ha.

sinking like stones

homes, places we've grown, all of us are done for. we live in a beautiful world. yeah we do, yeah we do.

i am really bad at things.

today i did something really stupid that stirred up the muck at the bottom of my swampy heart. and now i feel like i'm drowning.

that came out a lot more dramatic than it needed to, but that's kind of how it feels.

so, whoops. sorry, laura. i really don't take care of you enough, do i?

weird. and it's almost been four years since then. sometimes things just jump out from the past and screw with your mind. i wish i had a better fortress protecting me from that.

you were indifferent, i was young

chips + cheese = so great. let me tell you what.

chocolate? also great.

not being able to stop eating? not so great.

being addicted to solitaire? well, that's up in the air.
i played it before i went to class this morning. my class is at 8:05! pathetic? yes.

today, i picked up my cap and gown and graduation announcements. part of me died inside.

this weekend was just fabulous.
i also rediscovered my love for cooking. and hopefully will be doing that a lot more lately.

last kappa formal was friday. it was a hit.

i have a date this sunday. and i am *so* excited. my dad and i are going to a wine tasting and dinner at my favorite topeka restaurant. new city cafe.

lots of weddings. a bit overwhelming. let me tell you.

one month from today i will be getting back from cedar point. one of the best amusement parks in the world. located in ohio.

this week i look forward to: seeing my mom, sister, family, and rebecca's show.

next week i look forward to: final chapter, senior dinner, L6 pubcrawl, senior pubcrawl, krista/kels's birthdays, etc.

the next week i look forward to: final project in jazz performance, a dead week that is dead for once.

the following week?: free at last. no finals, all fun. then...graduation.

followed by dad's birthday dinner, MICHIGAN, and...a job. i hope.

life slips right on by. two months from today my bestie codi will be wed. eek!

build my castle out of sand

sigh.
life is good to me a lot of the time.

in one month and nine days i will be a kansas state university alumnus.
in one month and twelve days i will be on a plane to see my favorite person in my favorite place.

it's official, world, laura and katy will be reunited.
tell the children to stay at home for the eight glorious days they will be in each others' presence.
you never can know what shenanigans will ensue.

i am so happy. and i cannot believe i finally get to go back up north. it's been a year and nine months.
about freaking time.

yesterday i booked my flight, ordered my cap and gown, and ordered my announcements for graduation. crazy day.

tomorrow i get to see one of my favorite artists live for the third time. ben freaking folds. he's just great.

hm. and in six days it will be four months. THAT is cray cray.

much love to you and yours.

p.s. fiction family. check them out. i'm obsessed.

five star mini bar luxury hotel room

i don't want to jinx it.
but something wonderful is about to happen.
so until it's finalized and purchased...
just know i'm going to have a reason to smile once i put my tassle on the other side.

just in time to save me from a mental breakdown.

last ksu show tonight. spring dance.

everyone is coming. i hope i don't suck.