i don't wanna be one more paper doll

It's late.

I have other, more important, things to do.

My alarm is actually set for once.

And I find myself blogging. Like always - at a time when I shouldn't be.

However.

Newsflash: it's almost May. What do I have to prove to myself? Two jobs. [Cool.] My own insurance. [Grown up.] My own grocery trips. [I kinda love them.] Managing my money. [Important.] Looking too much into the future. [Typical.] No longer thriving on the past. [Huge improvement. Seriously.]

Sure, I'm still at Mom's. I don't have my own place, a set work schedule, decent pay, or a job with any kind of stability or benefits...but life is GOOD. I'm around friends, family, and I at least have something to do 90% of my days. Who says you have to have a solid job lined up right away? Who says you have to have your life figured out right this second?

Taking time to breathe is fine. I wish I hadn't taken so long to figure that out. I've been beating myself up about that for far too long now. A little over a year, now, to be quite frank. It's exhausting and I'm over it.

But tomorrow I'll go restock the bubble bars and the massage bars and the shampoos. I'll have a great conversation with my manager and interact with unique customers and their adorable (or terribly annoying) children. And be glad I'm not there in my life yet. I'm still full of flexibility and possibilites. Deep down, I love the unpredictable. Change is what I'm accustomed to.

If I had a real job and real commitments, days like this [below] wouldn't be possible.

And THAT would crush me. I need my freedom, for now. My days for reading and writing and coffee-ing. These odds and ends jobs are where I'm supposed to be...in some strange and twisted way. It's fun. And you meet cute old men who tell you to never get married because you have to get your spouse last minute blueberries from the grocery store that is bigger than a small town.

-Starbucks because I had a gift card, don't hate.
-Yes, I travel with my Sharpie pens in their package...I am paranoid I'm going to lose them. I admit it's a bit geeky. But...I am kind of a geek.

P.S. My toes are coral and I love it. I tripped earlier and thought I had chipped one toe and I was like FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY [thank you Mara, for the phrase] do NOT tell me I have to repaint...because it's Jenna's nail polish and that isn't exactly easy to get to from the comfort of my own home! But, I merely took some of the floor onto my toenail, so the paint is in tact. Hallelujah.