that can't be trusted

This is my 112th blog on 1/12/2012.

**a little (lotta) bit emo, a little be reflection**

I have been creeping on old HS friends on Facebook.

It's amazing how many stories we know about each other.

One girl in particular. We weren't best friends, but we were very close. I drove her to school every day for a year. I went to prom wit her ex-boyfriend and she didn't think that was weird. She told me so many stories (and I returned the favor) about her parents' divorce, her messed up relationships with guys, and how she felt inadequate.

We had sleepovers, went to concerts, and called each other crying.

She introduced me to Ben Folds.

I was devastated when she moved to KC my senior year. She was a year behind me. I drove up to see her and we dressed up like skanks and saw "Rocky Horror" with her new friends. I was scared she was drinking too much. She assured me she wasn't.

We told more stories. We exchanged feelings about how awful parents are. How friends can't be trusted. How boys are the worst.

She was artistic. She still is, according to FB. She inspired me. She got me to paint (although she doesn't know it). She gave me confidence. She let me know it was going to be okay.

She had a turtle and his cage smelled.

We were dancing partners in "Grease" because there weren't enough boys.

We haven't spoken in a year or two, but randomly say "I miss you" on Facebook.

It's funny how those thoughts all of the sudden come back to you, when you click on her page because she has a new profile picture, and you start walking down memory lane.

If you find this, Emlay (as I so lovingly called her), please know how much you mean to me.

always makes five

I have the best boyfriend in the world. There are many, many reasons. One is that for Christmas (yes I know, it is cheating to already know) he got us tickets to see RADIOHEAD in March. Who has two thumbs and is BEYOND excited?! This girl.

http://www.shattomilk.com/ - They just made the best thing ever: coffee milk. Buy the giant size. You will not be sorry.

I have decided that each week I will cook/bake something new. Last week I made a new side (garlicky potatoes/fries) and a new entree (chicken bacon ranch mac and cheese). Oh, and a breakfast cookie recipe, too. It was very fun.

This week, I am not sure what I want to try. All I know is I love my time in the kitchen and I'm excited to do more!

better run, better run

I'm going to take a moment and attempt to tell you what my favorite kind of day would look like. It's a lot like today.

Wake up slowly in a warm cozy bed. Not too early, not too late. Somewhere between 7:30 and 9. Wake up energized and ready to seize the day. My room would be clean (in a perfect world) and I would skip out to the kitchen to fresh flowers (preferable Acme flowers, but that is hard to come by in KC) and hot coffee being brewed in the kitchen for me to put my peppermint mocha creamer in (I don't own a coffeemaker...so I'll also be okay with Shatto Milk Company's coffee milk).

Then, I waltz into the living room and cuddle up on the couch with my feline roomies and they lay on me for good amount of time as I sip on my coffee and watch the Today Show. But Katie Couric would be back on the show.

Then, I would make a list of what I needed to purchase at the grocery store to make wonderful new creations from PINTEREST and throw on some comfy clothes and purchase them at the grocery store. For some reason, the grocery give me the groceries for free (again: perfect world). I head home and get all ready and have an afternoon full of baking and cooking and someone else cleans up after me. Then, I have my friends over and we eat and drink and have a merry time.

Also, I would want to take a nap somewhere in there. And later take a shower and get all fancy before my friends came over.

Sounds good. Lots of that I am doing today. So that makes me happy.

Except: I have do some homework, have to clean, and I had to pay for the groceries (boo.).

pretend like it's the weekend

The song "Everybody's Working For the Weekend" has never meant so much to me.

I am back in school. Still working full time. Still feeling guilty about how I spend my money. Still in denial that I am an adult. Still wishing I had so many more years left in college.

I have my first exam tomorrow for my class. I was supposed to spend my night studying. But, instead, I worked until 8, ate dinner, and opened the book to study at 8:40. How much studying have I done? Not much, to tell you the truth. It seems as if my procrastination is something that will stay with me forever. Hopefully the same is true for my retention of knowledge.

In seventeen days my sister and I leave for Miami and the following morning we are going on a cruise. Nervous and excited for the same reasons: it's a trip with just my sister and me.

My hair is getting longer. I love it, but I kind of want to chop it.

Apologies for the ADD post. It's just been a while. I'm not in the groove.

no dawn, no day, i'm always in this twilight

Certain aspects of life are quite simply put: awesome.

For me, my "awesome" of the last 24 hours has been my new face wash. Although it took about twenty seven years to figure out which one I wanted (because do they REALLY have to have like...50 options at Target?), I think just having a new thing to switch up my daily routine is exciting. This new face wash has a cute little pink and white outside and after I wash it off, my face feels cooler (temperature-wise, not hip-and-awesome-wise). Which is great, because my sister likes to keep our house at rain forest temperatures.

Here is something not many know about me. Okay, multiple things.

I have three different conditioners.
I have six shampoos.
I have four bars of soap.
I have five shower gels.

Clearly, I do not like having the same routine every day. I like to mix and match my smells, mix and match what my hair will feel like, and overall, just add a punch of pizazz to the day - showing the world that I can have my small bit of creativity even if my drone-like office job takes it all away!

I never considered myself a very...cosmetic-oriented girl. Lush changed that in me. I also have a large variety of lotions. About four or five different facial moisturizers, too. The greatest part about all of this is that most of it (probably 75% of it) was FREE from the store. Like...a shipment came in frozen on accident so we got to take it home. Or someone changed their mind and returned it - whoo! So, that being said, please do not think that I have to have that much in my shower at all times.

Every Friday at work they bring in Panera. We get to pre-order and they bring it to us. It is horrible because I always want it and I shouldn't pay ten bucks every week for Panera. But, it's just so dang good.

FYI: mint.com is life changing

On another note, in case you don't follow me on Twitter - I do not have a life. Or maybe I have TOO much of a life.

All my weekends are accounted for until August. Seriously? How does that even happen? both Saturday and Sunday (and, to be honest, most Fridays, too) are booked up. So...no one plan anything cool until August. Because I can't go.

And everyone stop getting married already. Sheesh. And no babies for a few years, mmmkay?

This ends my saga of tonight.

I bid you adieu.

now tell me something pretty

There will always and forever be a part of me that will love musicals.

I know they are dumb and cheesy and for kids and awfully ridiculous, but I crave them.

Crave? Sure. That can be the right word. I just think they are so peppy and delightful and make my life just a smidge better. That is probably why I do not enjoy Sweeney Todd. I mean...it's depressing and gross and things. Musicals, to me, pretty much have to be happy. I know, it is not fair. But, this is how I feel.

That's pretty much all for today.

Except that I changed my toothpaste and now my acne is finally going away. Coincidence?

Maybe, maybe not.

all i really want

There are moments like these where I remember what it was like just six months ago, when it didn't matter when I went to bed. Or woke up. Or if I really even showered that day. Let's get real. Most days I had were "no obligation" days. Which are my favorite. The last one of those I had was back in the beginning of October. Since then, I feel like time has completely slipped by.

Back when I only had a couple part time jobs, I would read blogs online, stay up late, sleep in, get grumpy if I had to do more than a few things in a day, and spent more time online looking for jobs, etc. than I ever want to again.

Things are much different now. I actually have an income, my days go by very fast, and I feel out of the loop with my own life. I have so many things I need to get done, people I need to spend time with, and recipes I want to create. I need to manage my time much better.

What I need to do is make a plan. Figure out my life. What I actually want to do.

What is important to me? Relationships, creating...and when was the last time I spent some really good time developing either of those? Quite some time.

Because of this, I have felt empty, unproductive, and unhappy.

My hope is to simply start slowly. Maybe blog a little more when I feel inspired. Paint again, practice with my new calligraphy set, and (my favorite) WRITE again. And REGULARLY. I need to take time for myself. All of us need to do that.

And just like that...I can finally go to bed. The cats gave me the victory I stayed up for.

Thank you. Now, don't make me a nervous wreck like this again.